Hello There! ;)

28 Mar

I’ve been at a loss for the past day on what to write in my first post here. I’ve never blogged and don’t see myself as much of a writer so bear with me. So here it goes.. (Beware: Some material might be triggering for people who face or have faced ED’s)

I’ve struggled the past couple of years with body image and weight. I used to be overweight in highschool and finally got the motivation to lose all of the weight. The whole time I thought I was doing everything right. I ate 3 meals a day and had a snack here and there. It wasn’t until I had fallen down into the underweight category of bmi that I really began to realize there was a problem…Sure…I was always hungry and miserable but I thought it was just normal it I wanted to be small. I wasn’t eating enough and never enjoyed food or just life anymore. Going out to eat with friends or my boyfriend just stressed me out and I often broke down and cried over it.

Last year my brother couldn’t stand back and watch it anymore. After witnessing one of my breakdowns while visiting me, he sat me down to talk to me and try to help. With the help of one of his former professors who had once been hospitalized from an ED, recovered, and now teaches classes on nutrition, he helped in giving me advise on gaining weight back. This TERRIFIED me. I was so scared that once I started to gain, it wouldn’t stop. It took a little while for me to start putting on any weight and I was still restricting.

Now… I have gone from one ED to another. Nightly binges… Because of the binging, I have put on weight faster and while I am in the ‘healthy’ range of bmi, I need to put a stop to it before it continues. It’s so embarrasing and I haven’t been able to bring myself to discussing it with anyone…not my brother or my boyfriend of 2 years. I still can’t enjoy food. I’ll think about calories and order light, only to ruin it all by binging the very night.

So what am I to do? Because I need to have somewhere to be able to share (even if nobody reads) in the hopes it might help, I turn to you.

This blog will not be full of  “Oh woe is me” posting. No worries. 🙂 I just hope to share my daily life with you guys and work towards a healthy relationship with food. Sorry to start this blog off on such a serious note. I promise…my second post will be happy. 😉

That wasn’t much of an introduction either now was it? Guess I’ll be a little different and introduce myself last. My name is Ashley. I’m currently working towards a degree in exercise science and possibly going to med school. I haven’t figured out what I will do with my degree quite yet. I know I’ll take my education further…I’m just still figuring things out.

Hope I didn’t scare you off already. =]

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4 Responses to “Hello There! ;)”

  1. Faith @ lovelyascharged March 29, 2011 at 3:08 PM #

    Recovery is scary – it’s normal to want to vent. It’s certainly not easy, but it is completely worth it. I went through all of those things that you are writing about at around this time last year, and looking back, it’s crazy to see how far I’ve come and how much all of the efforts have been worth it. I think that you’ll find blogging to be a very valuable tool and if you ever need someone to talk to that’s gone through what you have, I’m here. Have a wonderful night 🙂

    • seekingrecoveryandbliss March 30, 2011 at 12:51 PM #

      Thankyou so much! I’ve seen so many blogs from people who have gone through it and it’s been pretty inspiring all the stories. I’m hoping that maybe it’ll help me to be able to write about it and communicate with others who’ve dealt with it. 🙂

  2. Ruby W. March 30, 2011 at 12:47 AM #

    I’ll be your good listener. Wish you the best of luck on your road to recovery.

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