First steps towards ED-Free?

11 Jun

So as I stated in my post this morning, I had an appointment with a therapist for eating disorders and eveyrthing that goes along with it.
I’m going to back up to my morning first though. 🙂
I actually skipped cardio this morning to have this breakfast before my appointment.

Oatmeal! Finally! 🙂 (It’s somewhere under there.) I ran out of regular almond milk and used chocolate almond milk and a mashed banana to make it. Since the chocolate almond milk doesn’t really taste very chocolately at all, I figured it wouldn’t make a difference but boy was I wrong. This bowl of oatmeal was so chocolately (is that a word? Or am I making up words now? ) and delishous.
And while waiting for the hours to go by for my time to leave, I channeled the inner kid in me and watched some Loony Toons and drank some hot chocolate.

Back to the therapy appointment.. She seemed really nice (really thin…I can’t get past that. Is that so terrible? Its kind of like you don’t want an obese person as your nutritionist, you wouldn’t want someone who looks way to thin herself as your eating disorder therapist…) ANYWAYS. We just went over some handouts and she gave me a catalog of eating disorder resources. It was just the basics of course…just explaining what I was having problems with and a little background information. I have another appointment with her wednesday. I really hope I get something out of this. Most of the handouts from today were filled with stuff I’ve read before and never helped. And of course she asked about my support system which is non-existent. Seriously… I need to hurry up and move to Oxford and make some good friends… I’m tired of being stuck in this house alone all the time with my thoughts and the food. I had been doing better about the binges until last saturday and tonight. I just need to stop buying sweets since I know I won’t stop at one. Or buy them individually. I keep trying to give myself something everyday so i won’t binge but it backfires….Sometimes I wish I could go back to being underweight, and oblivious to the risks and instead just happy with how I looked. At least then I liked my body. Now…not only do I obsess about food and calories every minute of the day, I have such a hatred of how my body looks. Horrible body image… Sometimes I get pissed that my brother had to interfere and try to “help” me, but I know it was out of love and worry.

I kind of got around to this post kind of late so I’m ready for some much needed sleep. I know I don’t really post much, just once or twice every weekend, but I really never have the time during weekdays or really feel like it ya know? I made this blog so I can rant, and get every thing off of my chest since I have no one here to talk to. Sooo it’s really just when I have the time and want or need to. Or even feel like I have anything to say, because half of the time….my life just isn’t all that interesting as you can see. ;P And when I’m struggling with myself against ED, it usually will take a day or two before I will open up about it and get on here.

Goodnight. 🙂

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